You guys, my son's birthday is this weekend.
I cannot even believe it! I can't believe that he will be one year old! How can a year have passed since I brought him into this world? What even is life?
Well, excuse me while I freak out. But in the meantime, I wanted to share a blog post that I wrote about a year ago, after he was born. I wrote this on my other blog, but I wanted to share it here in honor of his first year of life.
Natural birth has no comparison. In my opinion, not even other types of birth compare to it. I have nothing against other types of birth, and I respect every woman’s right to choose the way she births. I, myself, was born by c-section, and I don’t bear my mom any ill will because of that.
But natural birth…
There is nothing like it. I can’t compare it to climbing a mountain, or running a marathon…
It is, if I’m being honest, the most physically painful thing that has ever happened to my body. But it was so, SO much more than pain.
It was perseverance. It was patience. It was frustration. It was anxiety. It was trust. It was love…
For the majority of my ten-hour labor, I had three people supporting me:
My incredible husband…who fetched me water when I needed it. Who held my hand when my own strength wasn’t enough. Who reminded me, when I screamed that I couldn’t do it, that I was doing it, and that I was strong. He was the extra force behind me, rooting for me, supporting me, loving me…
My amazing mother…who silently watched over me, letting me know with her presence that everything would be okay. Who told me she was proud of me. Who held my hands when my husband needed a break. Who rubbed my back. Who smiled with pride when she saw me with her grandson in my arms…
The awesome midwife…who gave me a measure of peace because she was skilled, knowledgeable, and confident. Who believed in me when I didn’t believe in myself. Who told me not to run from the pain or fight against it, but to embrace it. Who caught my baby as I pushed him from my body and into the world…
Then there was God.
I cried out for Him during labor more times than I can count. And as my stomach contracted, and my body contorted, and I wished that I had all the drugs in the world, I begged Jesus to help me through it.
Birth was, honestly, probably one of the most spiritual times in my life. I needed God to reassure my soul that I would make it through this, and that another soul would come to the world through me.
And there were moments of labor that were not so fun…
I vomited twice.
I was at my most vulnerable for 10 straight hours.
I was exposed…
And of course, I was in pain.
There is nothing, no word, no metaphor or simile, that can describe what a contraction feels like when you are moments from delivery.
I can’t explain it. And the only way you’d know what I’m talking about is if you’ve delivered a child without drugs. The pain is indescribable.
Laboring and delivering my son, with no interventions, no one shouting at me, no one telling me what I needed to do, trusting my body and my support team trusting me…
It it the single most empowering and incredible thing I have ever done in my life.
When I chose this path, I was confident that I could do it. In the midst of it, there were times where I wasn’t so sure. But I have come out on the other side with so much pride in myself, in my marriage, and so much faith in God, that I couldn’t be more sure that this was the right decision.
I would do it all over again.
I know that a lot of people look at me and all they see is someone small. Someone slight. Someone quiet.
Well, I didn’t do this to prove anything to anyone, and now more than ever, I am confident that I don’t have anything to prove.
But I just have to say for myself, that I am a force to be reckoned with. I am strong and powerful, and there is nothing weak about me.
There is nothing ‘weak’ about women. We are not the weaker sex, or the lesser sex.
We are capable, with God, of building and bringing forth new life, and then sustaining that life even after birth.
I had an amazing team of people who helped me as I brought my son into this world. But I brought him into this world.
The senior midwife said to me as I pushed, “It’s time to bring your baby. Only you can bring your baby.”
Well, she was wise. And she was right.
Praise God from whom all blessings flow!
Natural childbirth and motherhood are the hardest things I've ever done, but my son is so worth it. He is awesome and it is such an incredible blessing getting to be a part of his life all day every day. I get to watch him and smile with pride, because I made him. He was born from love, and he is such an incredibly loving little guy. He has such a sweet disposition.
Cayson, if you read this one day, then you should know that you are amazing, and I'm so stoked that I get to be your mom, even when you're teething and won't sleep through the night.
Happy Birthday, little man!