Let the Pain Remind You...

Today, I had planned on writing about wedding etiquette. We've been keeping things pretty lighthearted so far, which has been great and due in large part to my wonderful fiance. I hate to follow up his post from yesterday with a much less lighthearted one, but I like to be honest, and I believe in the power of sharing stories.

Getting married is a funny thing. The business of planning a wedding is absolutely nuts, exciting, nerve-wracking, and fun. There is so much that goes into it, and if you're like me and a stickler about the details, then things can get overwhelming pretty quick. 

But they tell you that. They tell you to start planning pretty much from the time you answer his proposal with a "yes!" They tell you what the deadlines are, and when to get fitted for this or that, when to put down a deposit for this or that, how to haggle for certain services and which ones you should splurge on. They give you all the directions and endless resources on how to have the perfect wedding of your dreams.

It's what they don't tell you...

Before I ever met Joshua, and before I was cynical, I had dreamed of the different ways I would meet and fall in love with my husband. In my head, it was all magic, and moonbeams, fairy tales and sweet dreams...

But in real life, I tripped out of a van after spending a couple of hours talking (and flirting) with him. In real life, his car died on our first date. In real life, I'm planning my wedding, and I'm sort of depressed.

See, what no one tells you, is that getting married will change everything about you. I mean, if you really, truly love your future spouse more than you love yourself, that kind of love will change you. It will make you realize all the selfish and terrible things about yourself, but it will also allow you to see the absolutely wonderful things about yourself that you fiance sees. 

It will challenge you to think, speak, and live in way that you never would have thought of before, because before, you were single and only worried about you. 

And what they don't tell you is that it will bring up things from your past that you have long forgotten and thought you'd gotten over, but you really haven't, and now even going to the grocery store can make you want to break out in tears...

Woops! Did I say that last part out loud?

The truth is, no one makes it through life without having their heart broken by somebody. And I don't just mean romantic heartbreak. Friends, family, teachers, neighbors, strangers...they can all break our hearts. None of us makes it through life without experiencing any pain. It's part of the human experience is this fallen world. And every time we experience heartbreak and pain, it can have a lasting effect on us. 

The memory is a powerful thing. It's so strange how certain things can take you back in time and force you to relive traumatic things. And by strange, I mean it sucks.

Even still, I've been blessed to know love in this life, and many times more love than I know what to do with, so I try not to complain too much.

I am still me, though, and I do not like change. I have also received my fair share of trauma, too, so this is no cake walk of a life transition.

The change and the trauma are giving me the blues, but I'm trying to keep my chin up because at the end of the day, I have someone by my side who walks with me through it all, and I have a Father in heaven who hears the cries of my soul and who is healing me even as I write this.

Friends (and ladies in particular), I'm here to tell you this: the road to your "happy ending" may not look like you thought it would, even after you've got the ring on your hand. There will still be hard days, bad days, days when you would give your right arm not to get out of bed in the morning. But those days will be fewer and far between. 

Hanging out with with the ones you care about, that's the bliss. That's when you remember what you're here for. Because all life's one great love story, and we all have an important place in it...

For all the things that you’re alive to feel, just let the pain remind you hearts can heal...
— Paramore