There are times when I'm alone and thinking about life, and my heart becomes extremely full and I feel as though I need to share, relieve some of the pressure. Those times happen often, but I become fearful of writing it down here because of what people might say.
Or I'll get nervous because I may not be able to find pictures to go with the post, and perfect bloggers must always have pictures. Or I'll think to myself "this is not one of my normal, scheduled blogging days!"
But as I sit here, at 5 in the morning, I don't care about the rules. I don't care about a perfect picture, or a normal schedule. Right now, I care about sharing what's on my heart because, after all, that's really what I created this space for...
I dream of, one day, being a mother.
I don't know if it's because of age, or maturity (yeah, right), or the birth control that's messing with my hormones, but the longing to have/raise a baby/child has been really strong as of late.
I have always wanted children. I've always thought that one day I'd be a mother. It used to be that I just assumed I would, like it was just another item on my to-do list. But now, it's different. Now, it's something I dream about. It's something I long for.
It may sound ridiculous, but I daydream about being pregnant. I know that pregnancy isn't all fun and games, but I still dream about it. I dream about holding my baby's hands as she walks barefoot through the grass.
I dream about singing my children to sleep, and I wonder how I'll teach them about Jesus. I dream about teaching my kids to work with their hands, grow food from the earth, and love animals. I think about braiding my daughter's hair, or saving snippets from my son's first haircut...
I probably sound completely mad. I am nowhere close to having a baby right now. Like...I am down the street and around the corner from the ballpark of having a baby, and I'm still waiting on a parking space. That's how far off this is. Yet, I can't stop thinking about it.
I think one of the greatest things a person can do in this life is love a child. Every child deserves to grow up feeling safe and knowing without a doubt that they are loved. I cannot imagine never loving a child. I literally feel like I would be missing out on one of the most beautiful relationships ever created if I never became a mother.
The ball-busting career woman inside of me is screaming right now, but she can hush up. It's on my heart to be a mother someday, and that's one goal I'm going to try my absolute hardest to achieve.
Goodnight (or morning), world!